STOP PLEASING by Ellie Israelsen (17)
No one can ever validate you enough to make it last. Outside approval is something we crave, yet it will never completely fill us up. It is not long lasting or sustainable. True self worth lies in the ability to give yourself all the validation you need.
As human beings, we need validation to succeed. We thrive off of feeling validated, needed, and liked. Sometimes in order to receive this validation, we begin trying to please people. We mold to the people around us. We only say things they would agree with, we only do things they would like to do, we only wear clothes we think they would approve of, and we never tell anyone if they do anything to upset us. This is the epitome of people pleasing. It’s nearly deadly. When one begins to “people please,” they also begin to lose their identity, and stop giving to the world what they personally have to offer. If we morph into everyone around us just to make people happy and to fit in, a huge part of ourselves gets lost, which means no one gets to benefit from our genuine, God-given qualities. As cliche and overused the phrase is: Be yourself. People need it.
Fleeing from all contention is one of the biggest parts of being a people pleaser. I would have told myself this a couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have believed it. But contention is a good thing. If someone upsets you, says something you don’t agree with, or treats you poorly, then by all means, speak up. Tell them. If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside of yourself. Don’t wait a few weeks to come up with what to say, or to gain the courage to face the problem head on. Just speak, and say what you feel and what needs to be said. Maybe they’ll be mad or offended, but everyone needs to be a little offended every once in awhile. And in the long run, they’ll most likely come back to you with thanks instead of bitterness.
Stop caring whether people like you or not. I honestly can’t think of a bigger waste of time. It doesn’t matter. People can have their own opinions, and you can have yours. Give your time to the people that value and appreciate who you are, and don’t lose any sleep over those who don’t, because they should play no part in your self worth. When you give any of your energy to people who are not fond of you, you hold yourself back, you begin to forget who you are, and you make yourself deal with unnecessary stress and heartache. Never waste time trying to tell people who you are. Especially people who are committed to misunderstanding who you are. Just live exactly as you are, and the right people will flock to you.
Always live to bless others lives, but never live to please people. Tell others what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear. Be honest, be courageous and love fiercely. Being a genuine friend means that sometimes you have to put people back in their place, along with letting others put you back in yours. That’s how you learn and grow from one another. Stop pleasing, stop worrying. Start loving, start learning.